Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A psychiatric anxiety disorder most commonly characterized by a subject’s obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related sompulsions which attempts to neutralize the obsessions.

Obsession: Resurrent and persistent thought, impulses, or images that are experienced at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that causes marked anxiety or distress. The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems. The person attempts to ignore or supress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action. The person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind, and are not based in reality.

Compulsion: Repetitive behaviours or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly. The behaviours or mental acts are aimed at preventing  or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviours or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive.

Blahblahblah, whatever. I took that all from wikipedia, and no wonder I couldn’t understand. Wait, maybe I can. If you have OCD, it just means that you have a mental disorder, like, duh. It means that you feel the urge to do something repeatedly because of some thoughts you have, and you can’t help it.

YiJia said that I have OCD! I do not! No way!

Wait a minute, I sound like I’m convincing myself that.

I just like to eat my M&M’s by colour. And I didn’t even realize that until a few days ago, when Sharina gave me a packet of M&M’s. I ate them, and then saw that all the browns were left. And I didn’t even notice that I had eaten them in the order of their colours. The blues, the greens, the yellows, the oranges, the reds, and then the browns. In that order of preference.

The thing is, I think I have always eaten them by their colours. And I sort of assumed that everyone did that too. Isn’t that the most normal thing to do?

Sharina told me that I’m weird, that’s all. Am not.

Isn’t that the same as arranging your music according to whatever category you have? Because I simply CANNOT STAND IT if all my music files are messed up. I’ll get very irritated. And then start arranging them until I’ve got them all sorted out. I really don’t know how some people can have their songs all over the place, or either without the song title, or the name of the artist, or the name of the album. Won’t they feel annoyed?

I just saw something on wikipedia.

A person who shows signs of infatuation or fixation with a subject or object, or displays traits such as perfectionism, does not necessary have OCD, a specific and well-defined condition. To be diagnosed with OCD, one must have either obsessions or compulsions alone, or both obsessions and compulsions.

I told you I DON’T have OCD! I’m just infatuated with the blue M&M’s, and fixated on eating them by colours. Oh yeah, and I’m a perfectionist, that’s why all my music must be in order.

That’s totally rubbish. I can’t imagine me being a perfectionist. Me, I’m a heck care kind of person. Don’t think that’s the kind of traits a perfectionist will have. Take a look at my room. I don’t know how I can manage to find my stuff in all that mess, but if it’s neat and tidy, I can’t seem to find anything. That’s why my room should be messy. I think I might also be creative, and that explains the condition of my room. Why keep everything in order? Wouldn’t you be limiting yourself to that little square box? Creative people are often messy, because they use their imagination and let their minds wander. So no one should make me clean my room, because that will just suppress my creativity.

Tell my mum that.

Okay, maybe the room thing is a form of OCD. Because I feel the need to keep it disorderly, and uh, that’s why it’s a disorder? And if everything’s in place, I’ll have to mess it up again.

Oh shit, maybe I do have OCD after all!

Nah!

This whole OCD issue is getting kind of fascinating. The symptoms too. A little creepy, but still.

Some symptoms:
Repeated hand washing.
Maybe the person’s just being clean?
Specific counting system, for example, counting in groups of 4s, arranging objects in groups of 3s.
I’ll just end up confusing myself if I tried.
Fear of going crazy.
Wouldn’t everyone be afraid to go crazy?
Having to “cancel out” bad thoughts with good thoughts. An example of this would be harming a child and having to imagine a child playing happily to cancel it out. Sometimes, although this is uncommon, someone with OCD will escape into fantasy because of bad unwanted thoughts.
This is really chilling.

An obsession with numbers. Some people are obsessed with even numbers and loathe odd numbers (odd numbers cause them a great deal of anxiety and often makes the person uncomfortable or even angry) and vice versa.
This just proves that I don’t have OCD. I don’t favour either the odd numbers or the even numbers.

Fear of transformation. A fear of transforming into someone or something else. Losing one’s self or taking on undesired characteristics is what creates the anxiety and fear. Rituals such as counting, blinking, checking, hand washing, may eliminate the anxiety when they’re done in a way which “feels right” to the sufferer.
Once again, I don’t think I have OCD. I do not display that kind of behaviour.

Oh yeah, Joanne asked me something not too long ago. She asked if I would marry a certain someone if had the 5Cs. Names have been omitted and deleted from my memory to protect that poor guy’s privacy.

I gave her a look of pure, utter disgust. And almost threw up my lunch. Wait, I didn’t even have lunch. My breakfast then, if it hadn’t already been digested. Then I started laughing. It was so damned funny okay?!

The next day, I told YiJia about it. And I said that the 5Cs DO NOT include C for Creepy. Seems like I have to add more to my list. No C for Crazy. No C for Compulsions either.

I still find it very amusing that Joanne would ask such a question. I’m such a mean person. Can’t help it. Oh well, some things are just meant to be. Like I’m meant to be creative and brilliant and bitchy. Okay, maybe the bitchy part is slightly untrue. I’m very nice and sweet and uh, perfect?

I make myself gag sometimes. Ought to be the lack of sleep, I’m talking nonsense.