Checking of scripts tomorrow. Was wondering if I should skip school. I don’t know, I just don’t feel interested in anything anymore. I could lie in bed all day.

Had a hard time dragging myself out of bed this morning. Was supposed to have breakfast with a group of friends, but I woke an hour late and didn’t go. So I woke up and was like, oh shit! Okay, am feeling a little guilty over that, I didn’t mean to oversleep, I even set my alarm so that I would be on time. Guess not.

I like snoozing. I like lying in bed. I like pretending this isn’t real, nothing is. It’s a luxury I can’t afford, sometimes.

It’s hoping that time will melt away quickly like snow in the sun, till everything is clear, bright, untainted. It’s hoping that maybe one day I’ll make it through okay, and that’s what keeps me going.

It’s the quiet acceptance that even if you can’t change anything now, it won’t be long before you can get away from all that’s been said and done. It’s wondering if what you have done today would be your last in a long long time to come.

It’s the self-doubt, the pondering, the can-I-do-it. It’s the stupid pride that refuses to give in, that insists on make or break, that stubbornly decides on the rougher path to take.

It’s the tears and anger, wondering if you could see me, if I’m a burden you have been made to carry. It’s the realization that things would be better, at least, I would be happier, if I could just disappear.

Soon, soon.