About time, too.

All it took was an innocuous blogpost from someone else’s blog to shove that realization in my face. Not that the post was directed at me, but it reminded me of well, myself. It’s that kind of thing you only understand in retrospect.

There was just this period of time when I was like, the haughtiest person on earth. I do admit I haven’t really diverged very much from that supercilious nature, given that half the time I seem to be mocking someone, but it’s different now.

How do I explain myself? It’s like, I used to allow my dissatisfaction with someone or something to manifest itself in a really contemptuous post that made me slightly happier. Call it venting, verbal abuse, same difference. It’s rather obvious I’ve stopped doing that for quite some time, but not because nothing annoys me. I guess I’ve learnt how to manage things.

Or call it growing up.

In the past I used to complain about how I had “no choice”, because the school made me do this and that, and I didn’t want to at all, hence I went about whining. Like, think ankle socks. I made hell of a big issue out of it.

Looking back, I can’t say I was exactly proud of myself back then, but I don’t feel disgusted by my own behaviour either, it’s just that I am different from who I was yet I still feel this sense of connection. Like, ‘I totally understand you, but hey, I’m not you’ kind of thing.

I did have a choice back then, and even till now. I just refused to acknowledge it because with choice comes responsibility. It’s always easier to go along with someone else’s decision than to go against them and answer for yourself. Like, say, if the school made you do something you don’t really want to, people tend to whine and bitch about it but accept it anyway because they think that they have no choice when they do, it’s just that they’re not prepared to be responsible for themselves. Like, I can choose to go to school early or I can choose to go to school late and accept detention as a consequence of my choice. Now, apply that line of thinking to another scenario.

Wonder why I’m not sent for college day. Or rather, why I’m not “made to”, as some would say, and I presume some are already wondering why I’m granted immunity from it. Because my decision is clear. I know what I want and what I don’t want. I don’t waver when I understand the price of doing so.

I guess when people start realizing that they do have a choice, they stop being afraid, because consequences become part of the package and is just a cross they have to carry.

On a lighter note, at least I’ve never went through some silly phases others did, or are still doing.

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