It all began with a song you heard. Something you’ve heard many times before, but never registered, and it was then when it suddenly hit you. Not an artist but you could paint the images in your head. White shadowy figures darting at you, swooping in, closing in. How many skeletons have you hidden in your closet? My ghosts are gaining on me, she sang.

Then there were the nightmares. It was a game, but he gambled with your life and his. It was a quest as you raced to save something, someone, the stranger, yourself. You can’t save him if you don’t know how. The next night someone held a knife in front of your throat but you pushed it away. Still you know she’ll come for you, sooner or later. You find your bag ripped to bits. There’s no way to run, it said, not even if you wanted to. There’s no one to hear you, not even if you cry. They’re just nightmares, they’re not real, and neither are you.

In your naivety you held your breath hoping to die, but each time you open your mouth to draw in life. There is no God, they say, or you would have been taken away. Your life doesn’t really belong to you.

When they keep taking away bit by bit, there’s nothing you can do but to concede, what belongs to you belongs to them. That is only right. Still you cannot help but to wish they had taken away everything.

And when you finally lie six feet under beneath the tiny piece of white marble that sums up your whole life, it’ll say, fondly remembered and dearly missed, but no one ever visits except for your own ghosts dancing in the moonlight.

Pretty much sums up what I’m feeling now. Except “Oh shit” of course. And maybe “Ugh, this is more trouble than I’ve bargained for”.

Never thought things would turn out this way. I didn’t exactly envision this would happen from the beginning, but damn Murphy and his Law. Okay, it wasn’t exactly poor Murphy’s fault, but the bunch of scientists who quoted him.

Well, it was fun while it lasted. But who says I can’t enjoy myself even if it’s game over?

Especially when I haven’t had my fair share of fun yet.

I’ll dangle a carrot in front of you, oh I will. You know you want it. Come and get it!

But soon enough you’ll realize you’ve fallen too far in to get out. Soon enough you’ll realize how you’ve been led on and on, but wait a minute, isn’t leading others on your forte? Soon enough you’ll realize how you’ve been outdone, outshone, outsmarted. Watch me smirk.

And wouldn’t you just love to slap it off my smiling face? By that time, if you could, you would. But I’ll remain tauntingly within your reach, yet out of reach. Out of sight, yet not out of mind.

Go on, utilize your natural ability of scheming, cook up some elaborate plot to trip me over. But your threats ring as empty as your daft, hollow head. Ooh, I’m scared, you bet I am.

Now, I’m not going to say something as childish as “Two can play the game”. Because I believe in fair play. If it’s not within your mental capacity to play elaborate games, then it’ll be of no kick to me, so why should I bother? I’m out for a challenge, dammit, not a conceded success.

I guess Google can be useful, but there are times when I wish it didn’t exist.

And now things are really confusing. You’re unsure of what I’m referring to. Is it you, or is it not you? Therein lies the beauty of ambiguity.

It seemed to make sense a long time ago, when people told me that it’s the journey that counts, not the destination. Thinking about it now, it’s pretty much crapshit.

Not really referring to anything in particular, I just thought of this suddenly.

I guess this is why I don’t like optimists. They annoy the hell out of me. When they smile and say everything will be fine, it’s like they’re rubbing in and smirking at you. Then they’ll go on and on about how things can only get better if it’s really the pits. Like, THE pits.

Then I’ll be thinking, “Yeah, like you know anything.” Which isn’t really very nice. But it really pisses me off when people tell me things will get better eventually so I don’t have to fret over it because it suggests that I am incompetent enough to will things my way and the only thing I can do is to sit around and wait like an idiot for a change in luck.

Just because the situation will improve eventually does not mean that I’m completely satisfied with the situation now. Which justifies me throwing a tantrum when things don’t go my way. Okay, maybe not really. But if we follow the reasoning that “things will get better eventually”, it’s just really sucky at the moment, then it’s also true that my mood will improve eventually, I’m just being temperamental at the moment!

Sometimes I remind myself of a really petulant kid, and if I were my own parent, I would have smacked myself. Sadly, no one can lecture me on how I should behave, so too bad!

I don’t know, I just get quite irritated when things don’t go my way. It’s like someone has been foiling this grand scheme of mine which I have plotted for a billion years.

And damn the optimists, can they not be so happy all the time?

It’s like, they’re being so perky and cheerful and there you are, all downcast and depressed and they bounce up to you and tell you the world is bright and beautiful even though it seems to rain constantly in your own world. You just want to ask them to shut up because it’s a really sad world we live in. They’re the kind of people who would make really good punching bags.

Imagine this situation: Someone says that it’s tragic that so many people die in the hands of say, a human eating monster, and someone else says it’s okay because someone will destroy the monster eventually, so let’s just be happy and party.

You just want to smack him. Whether or not the problem will be eliminated is not the issue! The issue is that the problem still exists and there seems to be no way to resolve it. Okay, actually the real issue is that I didn’t get what I want.

I believe the only way I’m happy is when my law of want-take-have has been followed. I want candy, I take candy, I have candy! Simple! Happy!

Which brings us to this point: It does not matter how you got your hands on the candy, as long as you’ve got it.

The whole journey-destination thing is at best cold comfort, and at worst, a delusional lie. I guess it makes people feel better that they have gained experience from it, or they think they have. It’s like, at least it’s not a total loss.

But failure is failure. Does it matter if you have, say, learnt how to get onto people’s nerves in the process if you don’t get to your ultimate goal? You have still failed and therefore you are still a noob. Besides, experience doesn’t grant people immunity from further failures. Probably gives them a sense of false security, like, they think that because they’re wiser after screwing up everything, it’s impossible for them to mess up again.

Besides, I don’t think your future boss would be very impressed if you told him you’ve lost many deals in the past because the clients found you too optimistic, and they don’t trust you because your head is constantly stuck in the clouds, but you’ve learnt your lessons and now warn people about doomsday and all the unfortunate events that can befall on them (like, you slip and fall and get a concussion, or getting your head stuck between iron grills) so that they’ll be convinced to buy insurance from you. But you probably won’t get the job anyway.

No point making the journey if you don’t get to your destination. That’s what I call a waste of time.

Eek, landed myself in yet another tutoring job recently, and it annoys me. Okay, I get annoyed really easily, but that’s because I find it hard to accept things if they’re not done MY WAY (reminds me of the comic strip published in the papers some time ago). Thing is, if I am as effective (or even more effective), then I don’t see why not.

It wasn’t what I had expected (note: surprises are stupid, unless they’re good ones, but it takes away the surprise element if you know it’s good). It’s in a freaking tuition center. I had expected home-based.

When I first got there, I was a little hesitant, so the woman tried to reassure me that it’s no different from home-based tuition except for the location. Oh, and someone staring down my neck constantly. It’s rather uncomfortable. Not that kind of oh-is-my-hair-messy kind of uncomfortable, but the why-are-you-spying-on-me kind.

The agent referred me to her, and he thought she’s the parent of the kid I’m tutoring. Hmm. He probably told her my grades, and she confirmed it with me again, so when I got there, she asked if I brought along my certificates, and I was like, what? Why should I lie about my grades? I guess she has to explain things clearly to the real parents of the kid.

The kid herself isn’t too bad, but that woman!

Oh, and since I’m only trying out, she said that if I wanted to quit, I’ll have to tell her directly and not the student. She claims that she’d deal with it in a “tactful manner” (meaning to say, I’m incapable of doing so myself). And I can’t even liaise with the student directly, which is ugh! So if I want to change the time slot, I’ll have to message that woman, who would then message the student, and then message me back. It’s redundant.

And the thing I can’t stand the most is that she tells me how to teach. No one orders me around! And it’s not as if I don’t know how to! Not that her teaching methods are that great anyway. I overheard her teaching some primary school kids on antonyms. “You are tall but you are short.” Then I was like, what the fuck, no wonder the kids couldn’t answer her properly. Even I could have taught them better.

She was like, you do this this this, draw diagrams so that she’ll understand better blahblahblah. This is of course, assuming that the student learns visually, and what if that’s not the case? I mean, I’m not too visual a person myself. And if she hasn’t taught the student before, who is she to decide the way in which I’m supposed teach? Sure, visual aids are helpful in teaching primary school kids, but we ain’t talking about kids here. You don’t feed baby food to a teenager (unless he or she has a fetish for it).

I’m probably going to quit. I can’t stand her. And she’s freaking short, so I have to look down on her when I try to talk to her. Well, if you’re short, you’re not tall!

Some people just disgust me. The way they pretend and wheedle their way through things just makes them all the more repulsive.

No names will be mentioned here, if you know who she is, good for you, I guess. Damn, I’ll have people wondering if I’m referring to them, hmm.

It seriously puts me off when she pretends to be my best friend when it’s a not-so-known secret that I hate her guts. And vice-versa, of course.

But when you need my help, you turn saccharin sweet, naturally. Meaning to say, it’s in your nature. It just runs in you, doesn’t it? You’ve always knew how to play your cards, but it’s a great pity that I hold the trump card. For, unlike you, I am able to break away from all that hold me down. It’s quite sad if your whole existence depended on the hand that feeds you.

To act like you’re my best friend? To pretend to be oh-so-chummy with me? Believe me, I’m insulted. I have standards, and I have to say, you’ve fallen short of it. By a wide margin, I might as well add. I do not wish to associate myself with you.

You are in no position to communicate with me in that degree of familiarity, I want nothing to do with you. You have no pride, no shame, and yes, go on, live in your little bubble and hope no one pops it.

Oh, I know you more than you think I do. How many nights have I laid awake in bed wondering what you’ll do next? Put on your cutesey facade, but I’ve seen your malicious side when you think no one’s looking. I don’t trust you. You’ll sooner stab me in the back than kiss me.

That’s right, I don’t respect you in the least.

I think that’s one of my biggest flaw. I cannot, and will not, accept people whom I have no ounce of respect for. And given how I judge people, it’s no big surprise that most people don’t make the cut. I cannot receive someone whom I deem to be lower than me without being condescending. Yes, call me arrogant, stuck up, whatever, I don’t give two fucking hoots. If you do not meet the standards I’ve set, it can only mean you’re not good enough, and that’s your problem, not mine, isn’t it?

Been in that silly holiday mood ever since promos ended. I wake up, wonder why I have to go to school, and tell myself it’s all over and oh, fuck school, so I don’t go.

Okay, not that I’ve skipped too often, still have that annoying PW to settle. One more week more till the whole damn thing is over.

Oh, and it’s Chinese on Monday, and I haven’t touched my Chinese textbook since the last Chinese lesson where we still used the textbook, oh shit. But it’s okay, I figured since I didn’t touch Chinese for promos and still did decently, it should be okay!

I think it’s an inverse relationship. The more effort I put in, the worse the result.

Received the timetable for the next three weeks or so till school ends. When I first got my timetable, my first thought was, “UGH!”. Some days are freaking long, some of them freaking annoying. It’s like, they’ll schedule some programme at 8 a.m., then the next programme would about two hours later that kind of thing, which is effing irritating because you’ll just waste that two hours. Hell, school officially ends on the 20th November, how annoying. Seriously, 20th November?!

That’s hardly much of a holiday, is it? Can’t skip school too much either, which irks me no end. What was it they said? If you’re absent from school for three days without valid reason, they’ll assume you’re leaving school and kick you out or something, I don’t know.

And some schools will start their holidays on the 12th! Okay, maybe eight days ain’t such a big deal, but I don’t want to wake so early!

Even my brother will end his O Levels earlier than me, I feel so miserable. So when everyone relaxes and goes out to play I get to wake early and drag my sad sad self to school.

I don’t like sleeping in school. I don’t get to lie down and

With WR over and done with (finally!), there’s only OP left, and I’m sick of PW. It’s just that kind of feeling, like, oh, screw it, I don’t care anymore. I don’t even want to continue studying anymore, but there’s the pressure to because I’ll go nowhere if I don’t, but then again, it’s not as if I have anywhere to go.

I love the Christmas season! I don’t care about it being the season of giving and what not, but the Christmas shopping for food makes me really happy! I like the supermarket more than ever during the Christmas season! It’s usually the time when they stock up lots of stuff they don’t normally sell during normal boring days! Like candy and chocolate! Makes me dizzily happy. Maybe I’ll buy a box of those cherry flavoured candy canes and eat them in June next year?

Promos are over and guess what I’m doing!

Nope, not shopping or the likes. Or just going out and loitering around.

I’m trying to send the damn images of the Written Report and it’s idiotic because there are about 16 scanned images and I have to attach the images one by one because I don’t know how to combine them into a folder and send them once and for all. Sheesh, and I have to send a few emails because the file sizes are too big.

It’s stupid to send 16 attachments because people will just look at the number and say, “That’s too many files to download! Oh, forget it!” And then it’ll be treated as spam mail, at least, that’s what I do when people send me chain mails, especially those with pictures in it.

Apart from trying to send the effing attachments over, I’m feeling hungry.

Checking of scripts tomorrow. Was wondering if I should skip school. I don’t know, I just don’t feel interested in anything anymore. I could lie in bed all day.

Had a hard time dragging myself out of bed this morning. Was supposed to have breakfast with a group of friends, but I woke an hour late and didn’t go. So I woke up and was like, oh shit! Okay, am feeling a little guilty over that, I didn’t mean to oversleep, I even set my alarm so that I would be on time. Guess not.

I like snoozing. I like lying in bed. I like pretending this isn’t real, nothing is. It’s a luxury I can’t afford, sometimes.

It’s hoping that time will melt away quickly like snow in the sun, till everything is clear, bright, untainted. It’s hoping that maybe one day I’ll make it through okay, and that’s what keeps me going.

It’s the quiet acceptance that even if you can’t change anything now, it won’t be long before you can get away from all that’s been said and done. It’s wondering if what you have done today would be your last in a long long time to come.

It’s the self-doubt, the pondering, the can-I-do-it. It’s the stupid pride that refuses to give in, that insists on make or break, that stubbornly decides on the rougher path to take.

It’s the tears and anger, wondering if you could see me, if I’m a burden you have been made to carry. It’s the realization that things would be better, at least, I would be happier, if I could just disappear.

Soon, soon.

Been sitting in front of the computer for half an hour already. Was planning to do the second draft of my I&R, but nope, nothing’s actually done. I’ve opened the file, but I’m not even staring at it.

It’s horrible. The school just issued the new timetable, and it makes me wish I had taken higher Chinese back in secondary school. Two and a half hours three days in a week and a mock exam each Friday? Irritating!

Apart from Chinese, there’s PW, and this is pretty much what I’ll be doing for the rest of this month. Thank goodness the holidays are only a month away! Yeah, a month. Holidays only start on the 20th of November, which is really sad.

But it’s okay, I’ll probably be skipping some days here and there.

Oh well, until then, everyday will just be another repeat of the previous day. Sort of like a recurring nightmare. Except worse, maybe. At least you’ll wake from the nightmare, and laugh about it later on because it’s so ridiculous. But the only way to get away from this horror is to knock yourself out.

Hmm, will be celebrating JianQin’s birthday this Friday at this place called Party World? Wherever that is, I don’t know. It’s some KTV place, and I don’t sing. Okay, am going to force myself to get a sore throat so I can have an excuse not to sing!

Okay, believe it or not, I’ve never been to any karaokes. I don’t know, back in secondary school, some of my friends used to go there weekly, but I’ve never really felt interested, not even curious. It’s like, you’re going KBox? Oh, okay, have fun. That kind of thing. Yeah, sure, I was invited, but I turned it down anyway. So I sort of alienated myself, but I’m actually happier this way. Like, I don’t feel like I badly need someone to hang out with because I’m so used to it that it’s normal.

Okay, I should do my I&R now, it’s been an hour and I have yet to do something.

All along I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s me, maybe I haven’t been putting in the effort, maybe this would be yet another flop.

Admittedly, I didn’t really try that hard, but it was genuine effort, to say the least. Trying hard gets you nowhere if you’re incompetent in the first place. It was obvious, wasn’t it?

To say that the journey has been bumpy so far would be an understatement. I hid my frustrations, showing it only when the line’s been crossed. I’d say everything’s okay when it’s not, act nonchalent when I get pissed, and keep my opinions to myself out of respect. For all the good it has done. It’s pulling me down.

If I could I would. An empty statement. To call it quits would have been nice. If I could I would.

To think that all these while I’ve been chiding myself for not putting in the effort, and I thought, maybe it’s only me? Maybe it’s just me? All the guilt, the self-doubt, the feelings of inferiority, for nothing. Go on, laugh at me.

Or are my expectations too high?

Was just trying to do something about the Written Report late last night when I came across something funny and I watched it over and over again.

And I found out that there are many many many more! Like this!

Okay, I wouldn’t really care whether she stepped down or not, it’s none of my business anyway. I just don’t like her face. Yes, I am that shallow.

Frankly speaking, I don’t even give two hoots about her command of the spoken English. I think she talks like she has something stuck in her mouth, and I don’t know why, it’s rather disturbing. So while watching the first video, I kept wondering if she would choke. It’s like the words are stuck in her mouth!

Okay, and I don’t think she’s that pretty either. Oh boy, I am so mean! But that’s just what I think and no one should take any notice if what I think.

It was fun searching and watching those videos. In one video, someone asked whether she thinks she’s a good role model, and she said yes and I was like, “Huh?!”

Well, her reason for saying that was because she dares to admit that she’s wrong or stuff like that, but I don’t know, that’s not what I’ve read so far, but then again, we should never fully trust online comments? And it’s not as if I’m a good role model myself, so who am I to judge her? Then again, who says I can’t? Just because you don’t like to clear what’s left of dinner doesn’t mean you can’t make someone else do it! Of course, dinner and her are two unrelated topics, but you get my point.

It’s quite sad actually. Just look at the number of people who are sympathetic towards her! Count me out, though.

I don’t quite get why people join beauty pageants. I don’t know, why would they want to have their pictures taken all the time? Doesn’t it get tiring attempting to smile and talk at the same time? Oh, so maybe that was what happened to her.

I don’t get why girls take pictures all the time. Like, in front of the full length mirror in public washrooms, in front of the mirror even though it’s not the big ones, in the middle of the streets, in the cinemas, everywhere! I think it’s just me, oh well.

You know, I’m always tempted to know what will happen if someone ruins their photos. Like this:

 I didn’t add in the hair, but it’s two girls taking photos. I don’t think guys do that? Can’t be sure though, but it would have been… queer. Don’t ask me why they’re holding hands, I just didn’t know what to do with the arms.

I am such an artist!

Assembly yesterday consisted of a bunch of external people talking and talking and a whole lot of crap extolling the benefits of doing community work. Basically the whole thing was just to inform students about the overseas CIP trip end of this year, to Indonesia.

Something confuses me. It was mentioned that there has always been overwhelming response, so I wonder why they are not considering making those people who are interested go for the talks, then everyone else can go home! Oh, but then the response will be super low.

I don’t mind the external speakers so much, I just switched off and stoned as usual. I just find it repulsive the way some people preach and preach about certain issues. They just go on yadayadayada about things that no one really cares about anyway, and they repeat like a broken record. Oh, and to add on to that, sometimes they’ll lower their voices and speak in a loud whisper or something, probably to create a greater impact. Try saying this to yourself, and it wouldn’t hurt to pretend you’ll speaking to a crowd: “When you plant… a seed… you’ll harvest… you’ll harvest [lower down your volume here!]… more than what you… what you have planted [and here!]. Whether it’s a good harvest… or a bad harvest [here too!]… it really depends on… on the seed… the seed you have planted [and here!]“

Oops, I guess that was a little too obvious? Yeah, that’s her, windscreen wiper. I should feel the slightest bit of remorse for making such unkind remarks, but I wonder why I’m not? I don’t know, such people just give me the impression that they think that because they’re more morally superior than others, they have the right to judge others on their skewed rule.

Or maybe it’s just me? Because I lack, what was it that she said? Oh yeah, humanity. That’s right. I don’t give a shit about others. I’ve always believed in not meddling in other people’s business anyway. It’s about respect! So yeah, maybe I’m just feeling troubled because what she said might be true and I have this irrepressible urge to put others down due to my shortcomings. Yeah, guess I’ll feel that way if I actually feel guilt, but no! I don’t really care!

I just don’t like her that much, so I need something to justify myself, and it’s not my fault this issue came in handy.

Oh, and because we were noisy, one of the teachers actually went up and threatened to extend the assembly, because we were chattering too much, and I think she asked if anyone had anything to say or the likes, so I went, “Fuck you” because I wanted to go home! Then Voong asked me to shout it out loud, and I suggested we say it together. So we whispered and proceeded to amuse ourselves by constructing sentences with varied forms of the same word. Things like, “Fuck that fucking fucked up teacher” and some others, I forgot what, but it was entertaining.

Promos will be over in two weeks! But these two weeks will be pretty rushed. I have not completed my homework, can’t revise! But after promos, there’s intensive Chinese stuff, I don’t know what, and PW preparation, so it seems pretty rushed, but hey, I pretty much slacked my way through life, so it should be okay!

I have never been stalked in my life, which is lucky I guess. No need to go through the trauma and stuff. I am already paranoid enough as it is, as JiaYing and Voong said, because of some horoscope thing they read.

Even though I don’t know how it feels like to be stalked, I think I’ll make a rather decent stalker. Not like they’re ever decent anyway. Probably because I can be quite obsessed with minor things. Like, I’ll think about the most insignificant things and ponder over it for a long time. And no, the majority of the questions are not “What should I eat tonight?”

Think it’ll be quite freakish if I start getting fixated on someone. Freakish for the person receiving my attention, of course. I’ll probably be enjoying myself. Okay, but I probably won’t stalk anyone because I’m not all that curious about people.

I don’t know why people stalk others. Oh well, just shows that I’m not like them!

Let’s see, what should I do if I were ever stalked? I don’t know, how should I make the stalker disappear? Okay, I’ll snap my fingers and oops! Or I’ll ram a stake at that person, but wait, that’s far too violent. Maybe I’ll start hoping for a distraction or something.

I just realized that there’s only one week left till promos. Damn. I should start studying soon, but it irritates the hell out of me if I start revising without finishing my homework. I cannot, and I will not. If I don’t get any revision done, then so be it. Because it’s disturbs me when I try to revise if my work’s not done. I know it’s weird, but it’s just idiosyncratic of me.

Strange how I’m not panicking. Doesn’t feel like one week. Oh well, I hope they’ll moderate. I think they will, so it’s okay for me to be a little slack. I figured, since I came so far without really trying that hard, I should be okay. Damn, my luck will run out one day, hopefully not too soon. I’ll just pretend that Murphy’s Law doesn’t exist.

Don’t feel like going to school. Should I? But no MC.

I freaking love holidays! Especially long ones! I love being able to sleep late and wake late! And laze around thinking that I have all the time in the world!

I counted. Less than two hundred days till I can stop going to school entirely. Without taking into account all the days I’m going to skip school, of course.

Okay, two more weeks and this horror will be over!

PW’s ending in less than two months, so yay! How long has it been? About seven effing months of cursing and swearing, I guess. Trying to juggle the Written Report, the Oral Presentation and the Insights and Reflections right now, not to mention promos too, oh well.

WR’s almost done, just a few final edits; OP is like a distant thought, and I&R is just a pain in the ass. Have to submit the first draft on Tuesday. I’m trying really hard to start on my I&R but I keep getting distracted.

Grr stomach feels funny, been eating lots of rubbish today. I really should start on my I&R. Wondering what’s wrong with me. Can’t seem to force myself to do anything.

The year’s almost over. Good. I can’t wait. One more year of going through the motion, and then what? Oh well, at least I won’t have to go to wake up early after that, if I’m lucky.

Been feeling lethargic lately, more than usual. I don’t know why. This wave of listlessness hits me sometime, when I think of what could have been. But hell, it’s no time for regrets. Some things I wish I had done, others not so. Always happens when I think of what could have been.

I should learn how to give chances, I guess. But fuck it all, is it even that important?

My stomach feels funny. Oh no.

It’s annoying. I have to complete this Lit essay, which is uh, about 2 weeks overdue? Oops. Anyway, I know of what to write, but I don’t have the urge to write. The ideas are just floating around, but I can’t make them stay on the paper. I can’t catch them, however stupid that sounds.

Yeah, so basically I’m online and typing my uh, work. Been doing more than just work, though. I just threw an apple core out of the window, because I’m too lazy to go to the bin, and I thought maybe the apple core would like to learn how to fly. I forgot to make it drink Redbull first, so it pretty much committed suicide. Can’t fly.

I’m really tempted to skip school tomorrow, but I shouldn’t.

I shouldn’t write essays when I’m in this mood too, because I’ll just end up writing a whole bunch of crap to amuse myself. Don’t think the teacher would be though.

I ought to stop procrastinating and get on with my work. But just because I should do so does not mean I have to! So I can go to sleep now! And I can skip school too! Oh shit.

I can’t wait for the promos to be over. One more month! Yay! Then I can laugh at all the other noobs who still have to mug their asses off! Hmm I probably won’t be in school much a month from now, so I should go to school tomorrow. Okay, I’ll try to. No promises though.

All this while I’m been whining (like, seriously whining) for an iPod nano, and I even called the company just to ask if I can get the red one, and to engrave on it.

And oops! Out came the fifth generation, boasting of new features such as video camera, fm radio, and voice recording! Yay! Am not sure about the specifications, I just know that it weighs just a little lighter, has a slightly bigger screen and they come in the same colours as the fourth generation.

Or should I just get the iTouch? But if I get the iTouch, then it only makes sense if I get a Mac too, right? I don’t know what kind of logic that is, but it’s just that way! It’s like if you can take a step forward, so why not take another, and another, and another, and oops! You fall off the cliff!

Come to think about it, my phone has those functions too, but it’s just different! It’s not Apple! It’s frigging laggy, seriously, lags like nothing on Earth. I remember the first time I used it. I got so frustrated because it didn’t want to respond. So I was like, grr! But now I’m pretty much used to it, and I still don’t use those functions.

But the nano is different! It’s not about the functions! I think my phone has a higher chance of dying than the nano, if I get one. Then again, everything I own are pretty much short-lived anyway.

I don’t know, I don’t like cramming so many things into one gadget, especially if it becomes slow because of it. It’s okay if they crammed everything in, without compromising anything. And I don’t like the fact that it drains the phone battery so quickly, given the number of hours I listen to it, and also how the songs will be interrupted when I receive a message or try to take pictures.

I remember the first time I got my nano (in fact, the only time, before it died tragically), I was so attached to it that I even slept with it under my pillow! It’s like an extension of myself. Everywhere I go, my nano goes. Except maybe when I’m showering, I don’t think it likes to splash that much? Comes in pretty handy when you want to tune some people out. Or when they play something horrible over the radio.

Tsktsk, I should shred my POSB card into little pieces just so I can’t splurge when I feel like it. But then, no point having money if you can’t spend it! This is logic again! We need to keep the money circulating!

I think I’m a little touched in the head right now. We call this the Apple Effect.

Okay guys, I’ve got it all planned out. See, I get a nano this year, then I’ll try to make sure it survives for two years, then I’ll get the Mac and iTouch simultaneously after I finish my A’s, sounds good?

So after the Mac and iTouch it’ll be the iPhone! I like the Apple logo. I like apples too, but that’s another thing entirely. I like the way the logo on the Mac glows when it’s in use — so pretty!

Yes yes, I know I’m shallow and all, but too bad! Deal with it!

A few days ago, Voong was telling us about this elderly woman on the MRT who took pictures of others, and it irritated me. I forgot the first half of the story, because I think I was distracted? The second half of the story goes like this: One early morning, an old woman boarded the MRT, which was full, I suppose, because it’s the morning peak hour where everyone’s trampling over each other to go to school or to work or somewhere. Yeah, and so this old lady spotted a school girl sleeping in one of the priority seats. Then the old lady whipped out her phone to snap a picture, probably pissed because she felt that the priority seat’s hers.

Poor girl! She’s probably tired from staying up late to complete her schoolwork, then waking up early to rush to school, and tried to catch a few moments of precious sleep on the train. Or she probably fell asleep accidentally.

I just feel that some people are abusing their rights. Okay, maybe “rights” is too strong a term, since it’s no crime if you refuse to give up your seat to those “who need it more than you do”. You’ll just feel damn embarrassed, I guess?

It’s hardly fair to the girl who fell asleep, since she was unaware that someone wanted her seat. And I don’t know why that old lady had to do it, to post it somewhere and caption, “LOOK! THIS GIRL REFUSED TO GIVE UP HER SEAT TO ME!”? Poor thing’s probably too exhausted to notice.

Would make more sense if that old lady just picked on someone else who wasn’t asleep then. It’s like bullying.

I don’t like Stomp either. I don’t like the way some people — STOMPers, they call themselves — take discriminate pictures of others when they’re not looking. If that’s not low, I don’t know what else is.

People should mind their own business, seriously. Came across this article in Stomp, and I like the comments a lot! See what I mean!

Do they have no respect for others? Sure, you can be fined for eating on the train, but you can also be sued for taking pictures of others without their permission and publicizing it. Yeah, so some people are trying to be some freaking goody two-shoes, all the while infringing on others’ privacy. Sheesh.

You know, there are some perverts out there who take pictures of others when they’re not looking, and I don’t see the difference. Oh wait, these people are doing it for the welfare of our society, by shaming others (to make themselves look good, probably), and because they’re doing it for a greater good, they’re like, above the law, or rather, they are the law. To hell with them.

Those people are disgusting, the way they delight in other people’s humiliation. It’s an act of malice, to elevate the self by putting others down. Disgusting.

It’s not like I’m saying hogging seats, refusing to give up seats, eating on public transport, or jaywalking is correct (contrary to it, because it’s wrong, that’s why some people get a kick out of it), but who are those people to decide that hey, because someone else is doing something wrong, they should mete out punishment in the form of humiliation?

I think the whole give-up-your-seat-to-someone-who-needs-it-more-than-you-do is overrated anyway. I don’t think it’s for anyone to decide who deserves the seat more and who less. Sure, some might need the seats more, but others pay more for their transport fares, or they’re more tired, or something. Point is, it is morally and socially right to give up your seat to someone else, but is it just?

Thank goodness it’s not against the law if you don’t give up your seat. It’d be a really stupid law anyway. People who can afford it can just get their own cars and let those people have the whole train to themselves. A more intelligent move would be to separate the carriages into two: One for the normal commuters, the other for “those who need it more”, since they go all out to emphasize that.

Sorry, the picture’s not too clear. But it just shows that you should give up your seat for the elderly, those with kids, and those who are pregnant. Voong was even talking about asking that old lady to point which category she belongs to, since the only female in the three pictures is the one who’s pregnant, and the old lady’s not pregnant.

You know, I’m seriously tempted to do something and get caught on camera, for reasons unknown to me, probably to make a point. Anyone interested to join me in camwhoring? Then again, I don’t like cameras.

When I was a kid, my mother made me listen to those CDs, you know, those that contain songs that are supposed to be educational. Okay, she made me listen to lots of Chinese ones, and they generally sound like a bunch of kids whining and wailing. I don’t know what it was supposed to teach me, but I almost failed Chinese, so yeah, I don’t think it was very effective?

Anyway, I was recently reminded of a song. Some of you may have heard it, others may have not, but it’s the “Five Little Ducks” song. Thing is, I tweaked the lyrics a little.

I went to YouTube, and hey, they even have nursery rhymes like this! Watch this to get how the song sound like, if you don’t already know! Oh, and adjust the volume of your speakers, you don’t want anyone to think that you’re nuts.

I know it’s a rather gay video, but I was too lazy to search for more. Besides, the gayness sort of fits nicely into the song with the changed lyrics, and it is rather funny, if not retarded! Here’s the other version of the song!

The Gay Duck
One little duck went out one day,
over the hill to look for a gay.
Suddenly <insert someone’s name> got in the way,
and told the duck he was there to stay!

Go sing it aloud! Or make up more verses yourself! This is retarded!